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Gold Hair with a Gentle Curl

Many of you know that my favorite musical in the world is Wicked, a story that focuses on two girls rooming together in college who become friends and go through the typical challenges faced by girls that age. They of course happen to also be two witches from the story, The Wizard of Oz, but there's something about the musical that has truly cast its spell on me, and I think it's the fact that I was never able to go through that phase of life as a girl, and so watching it play out live on the stage puts me that much closer to actually standing in their heels and feeling the same emotions.

Besides the female-intensive themes of the production, the music is so heartfelt and touching that I'm literally brought to tears each time I listen to it. One of my favorite songs from the musical is I'm Not That Girl where the "uglier" of the two witches laments about not being pretty and blonde like her roommate. That song touches me deeply as well because while I can appear to make myself pretty and blonde on the outside, in reality I'm not that girl. I see so many parallels in the musical Wicked and my life as a person suffering from gender dysphoria and desperately wanting to be "that girl," but before I get too deep into this discussion, let me get back to the point of this diary entry.

One of the phrases in the song I'm Not That Girl says, "Gold hair with a gentle curl." The song is sung by Idina Menzel, who I just adore, and she expresses the emotion perfectly as she sings that line lamenting the fact that her own hair is dark and straight. Each time I hear that phrase sung, my heart skips a beat because creating gold hair with a a gentle curl is something within my grasp, even if just temporarily.

Well, this morning I'm pleased to introduce a slightly new look for me where my hair is indeed gold with a gentle curl. There are certain aspects to female clothing whether it's a touch of lace around the neckline, a well-placed ruffle on a sleeve, or even a tiny beaded flower in between the cups of our bra that takes the garment from just another piece of clothing to something truly special. And the same holds true of our hair. There definitely is a place for long and straight, but sometimes we also want to introduce a pretty barrette, flower, or even a gentle curl to our hair in order to add that special feminine touch. So this morning when I had a little bit of time to myself to be a girl, I finally resolved to become that golden haired girl with the gentle curl.

Now, it just wouldn't do for me to go out in public in nothing but my gold hair with the gentle curl, and so I needed to choose an outfit to go along with it. After doing my makeup and hair, I truly felt like a princess, and so I decided to dress in an outfit that would project to the world that yes, I am a pretty girl. For my top, I chose a tight, long-sleeve tee shirt in white, and I love this tee shirt because it makes me choose the perfect bra to wear underneath, and so my choice today was my Body by Victoria bra from Victoria's Secret. As we know, the impression of a woman's bra shows best with white, and I think I chose this tee shirt / bra combination in order to make it clear to everyone that I was a girl.

Along with the long sleeve tee, I chose a long, flowing maxi skirt in blue and white, and if you've ever worn a maxi skirt then you know just how feminine they make you feel. The soft fabric just caresses the legs, and when you add a special accessory like shiny pantyhose underneath, the sensation defines femininity better than I can do in mere words. My choice today was a pair of nude pantyhose that caused my skirt to swish ever so gently against my legs as I walked. The final touch on my lower half was a pair of black ballet flats making this a simple yet extremely feminine outfit that would allow me to glide along just like a girl.

I felt so feminine wearing this attire and with my new hairstyle that I spent a little extra time this morning in front of the camera taking poses from every angle, and at this point of my morning, I hadn't even decided where I wanted to go. In the end, I decided that dressed like this, an appropriate place to visit would be the Kohl's department store. I really didn't have anything in mind that I wanted or needed, but it would give me the opportunity to venture out into public and just enjoy the moment of being a girl. Kohl's also has plenty of full-length mirrors where I would be able to take pictures of myself out and about.

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